out of sorts.

I know we all moan and groan now and again.. complaining to complain, or to vent, or because sometimes - at that time - what may seem so minuscule to others is really an issue or weighing on us.  It's all relative, right?


And then something happens. And we shut up. And we realize just how damn good our lives are. And we beat ourselves up for the b*tching in between the praying. And for a little while at least, we keep our priorities straight and are painfully aware of our good fortune. 


In the past month, two of those 'somethings' have happened to people I know. 


The first was to a colleague. He is a couple of years older than me. He was working out of town on one of our bigger projects. And on a Friday night while out of town, got a call to come home. His sister had been in an accident. He got home, and soon after, she passed. His sibling, a year younger than me, leaving behind three children. Just like that.


And then last week- friends in Memphis. Their house caught fire in the middle of the night.  They're about my age also. The mommy and the toddler son got out. The Daddy and the pre-K son were rescued by firefighters.  The pre-K son is still in the hospital now, but awake and rapidly improving, and all signs point to positive for a full recovery. The Daddy, there is still no answer. His condition is much the same since last Wednesday, when it all started. He is still in ICU.  I get a little ill when I think about it. I get tears in my eyes and I have to hurry up and push it out of my head. 


Nice for me, right? I *get* to push it out of my head. Not the Mommy. Not her. She has to somehow find the strength to be there for toddler son, who is too young to know what is happening- only that he can't go home and where's daddy? To be there for the pre-K son who IS old enough to understand more than any of us want to admit. And to be there for her husband, and she doesn't know if HE knows she is there. And she can't go home either. And I get sick to my stomach all over again. Because I honestly am not sure I could do what she's doing. I really don't know. 


So from these things, I am trying very hard to learn. And to act. And, I am also trying to find something positive- and have managed to do so. 


TO learn & act:
*not to take anything for granted
*to live every day and enjoy it
*to hug my little girl and Bill and everyone else I love
*to pray; regardless of where I stand with the church right now and what those struggles are- I can still pray. God will still listen. 
*to update our wills. living and not. I have no money to distribute. I do have my little girl's welfare to ensure, and a few precious tangible items- family jewelry mainly. 
*to double check our smoke detectors, and get a fire ladder for eileen's room


TO find something positive: 
*The movement of friends - within just hours of the fire- was overwhelming. In part, no doubt- due to social media. It was used to spread the word of what had happened and what immediate needs were. it was used to spread the word of a website and fund that were set up within HOURS of what had happened. It was used to speak to those of us far away, who can only sit, watch and ache from afar.. It was used to ask us to donate any money or gift cards we could- as those would be used to help stock immediate needs for the family. I don't think I have ever put something in the mail so fast. 


And the people, the people behind all of this? Our friends from grade school and high school. Girls - women I guess - all around my age. All mommies themselves with young children. All working and married and trying to make it all blend together. And without a moment's hesitation all of that went to the wayside as they joined together and made things happen. 


That part was inspiring. I'm not sure that's the right word? Maybe comforting. These are people we've known since we were about Eileen's age. And they're the people still there. These are the friends who never go away. Who you may not see for months or years -but when you do, it is as if no time has passed. Or- Heaven forbid - you need them- there are no questions asked and no hesitation- those friends appear.  


Certainly not to say that friends we make later in life don't also step up- but I guess there's just something about those friends who we've known longer than we can remember.


So I'm a little out of sorts I guess. After Aggie died, now coming up on two years ago, I promised myself I would always have her in the back of my head. Have her struggle and her spirit present, to remind me of what I do have and of what she was robbed. And there are certainly times I have failed at honoring Aggie. I had a pretty long run on Saturday, my mind racing of thoughts of Aggie and our friends struggling right now in Memphis. And I constantly question WHY, why do these things have to happen? And even as I am questioning, I know the answer. I know they happen because we are supposed to learn from them.  We are supposed to live our days and not waste them. We are supposed to be basically good people. And, we are supposed to remember the Aggie's and The Mommy & Daddy in Memphis. 


So, with that, I continue to pray for the family in Memphis. And for those working so hard to help them. And for me, too. That I remember how others struggle so the rest of us - hopefully- turn that into lessons learned, and practiced daily.