Aisle Rage

<--  this is me. playing trivia. at a bar. wearing a crown. and apparently thinking very hard. 

where is my invite to mensa?

ok. at the risk of sounding whiny: what happened to summer?   I'm not referring to the fact that every summer seems to fly by faster than the last. In this case, I am referring to the weather. 

We had a crazy heat wave in early July (which of course I loved). And since then, it has been rainy and sort of sunny but not really and sort of warm but not fun warm, just like nasty muggy sort of warm thick air. The most annoying part? I can't fix it! I just want to see the sun, bright and warm, for more than 2 hours. I don't want to look out the window and have it look like it's about 53degrees.  COME BACK SUMMER!  (you know what will happen, right? we'll all be trick or treating in tank tops and flip-flops..)

In other news, a new to Knoxville grocery store opened over the weekend. In some cities this is not a big deal. Here. Well hell. Here if a gas station adds an extra PUMP it's a big deal. So Publix came to town. They've been the first to open in a wave of soon-to-be here-your-city-is growing-up stores: 

• Trader Joe's (sans wine)
• Whole Foods
• Costco

I've been to Publix before. They are the store of choice in Florida. Have always loved Publix.  Still not entirely sure why Bill & I opted to go to the one HERE on its opening weekend. I blame the weather.  So yes, it is sparkly and new and I am in love with their produce section. The people IN the store, not so much. I don't mean the staff. I mean just the general population. 

You know how we have to take tests to get our driver's licenses? I vote we require the same for the right to SHOP.  Who's with me? I will even write the handbook: 

• when getting one's cart, those with kids/large bags/a lot of crap - it is understood you may need a moment to get everything situated. but for the love of pete, get your cart and scoot to the side. standing in everyone's way will only cause a massive backup of humans into the parking lot, and then if someone gets hit by a car you will be to blame. (and i AM allowed to give this rule as I USED to have a little kid and always moved out of the way).
• when looking at apples/potatoes/berries, etc - can you not block the whole display? at least two patrons at any given time should be able to retrieve the product
• free food. if you have arrived at the store with the intention of the Sample People providing your lunch, well we can't stop you.  but seriously, try to not run over the Innocent everytime you catch a whiff of a fresh treat.
• deli/bakery counter. often these areas require a line, a wait. first off, many stores these days offer online ordering, ordering at customer service, etc - just so you don't have to stand there and block up the whole area with your cart and kid who you can't control. but if you opted NOT to make use of such modern conveniences, then it is not our problem. you are not allowed to cause traffic jams. look around and position yourself in a spot out of the way while you wait for your salami. 
• general aisle behavior: this is america. we drive on the right side. we walk on the right side. the fast people get to go in the left lane, pass on the left, and then move back over to the right. you are not allowed to take up the whole aisle. if there are more than two in your party, it is expected you will walk in single file lines. if you are chatting on your phone, quit blocking the Cape Cod chips. if you need to stop to search, do so slowly. otherwise expect a cart in your ankles. if you are about to stop, and see that someone has already stopped just next to you, then MOVE ON. do not stop directly next to this person, thus creating a large backup in both directions. Simply push your cart forward 5-6 feet. You can then take a few steps back to get your desired product. fascinating concept no?
• beepy carts: if you have injured yourself and walking is challenging, or if you are elderly and riding in one of the motorized carts is a better option, certainly this is understood. you do not have the right to run the rest of us over. you do not get to cut in line on the cereal aisle. and God Help Me if you can't get where you are going without constantly reversing - thus causing the ear-splitting beeping alert - then hire a personal shopper! packed stores are challenging enough, adding the high frequency of ALF is not helping.
• parents: i know, there are times when kids are just brats. there are times when they pitch a fit or haven't napped. there are whiny times. so, should your child be having one of those times .. if there are more than one adult in your party, someone take that kid out of the store. if you don't really need to get your supplies for your party two weeks from now, then please come back later. if your kid is whining just because he didn't get a cupcake, then act like the parent you are, give The Look and move along. If you haven't mastered The Look, or heaven forbid, your child ignores it or doesn't fear it- then you are in for some seriously crappy days ahead. 
• parking lots: see 'general aisle behavior.'

So. My take on Publix - it's a grocery store. It has food and stuff. There is another one opening soon closer to my house. At that point I can choose between Kroger, Target, Fresh Market and Publix.  I only know that I won't be going to Publix on opening weekend. For fear of being run over by a badbuggyperson.