this one just couldn't wait..

this one.. too long for a FB post.. and really it is so "erin" that I just want to post it now..

As part of a massive effort on my part, I've built more 'moving' into my regular day. (After a week of indulgence at the beach and realizing how very much Fall Football and Winter Holidays have contributed to my, um, figure... I'm on a mission to re-shape habits and build). 

So as part of my 'moving' - I've been taking walk breaks at work. It's incredible outside today, so I opted to walk on the top level of our parking garage. It's windy, sunny and about 70 degrees.  It was lovely. While walking I calculated my BMI, something I've not done in probably a year, mainly out of fear.  So I did it. And got a result that was well above FIFTY. 

What? WHAT? I mean I know I've gained weight. And I know anything beyond 30 is considered obese. But above FIFTY? So just before I melted down smack in our garage.. I looked again. 

See, when one enters her height in the American measurements of feet and inches, but puts her weight in using the rest of the world's metric measurements... just no. Never ever do this. 

I can report that while my BMI does come in at overweight  (this is not shocking to me), it is at least below the 30. 

I continued on my walk pleased at the lower than 30 but still concerned at the higher than 25. But hey, being below 50+ gives some perspective, eh? 

I imagine you're thinking "Erin, this isn't one of your more entertaining posts..."   Oh hush! You know me better than that. 

So I wrap up my lovely 15minutes of walking and enjoying the weather. 
Get back to my (self-made standing) desk.  A moment later I hear a noise.  I stop moving. Oh, it's just Greg shuffling at his desk.  oh wait. I hear it again. Is someone messing with me? Ok. that noise isn't necessarily getting louder - BUT - it is strongly resembling the noise the Predator makes.   I have no idea the last time I saw that film, but clearly that almost 30 year old noise made an impression on me.

Ok, so I'm on the verge of my second melt down in a 20 minute period. 

The noise is STILL HERE. Omg. A bug. There's a bug. Stupid Nature. Somewhere I have a bug on me and it is a baby Predator.  I start to shimmy and shake. At my desk. I squeal as quietly as possibly.  I STILL HEAR IT.  The Predator is going to kill me. 

Extreme action needed. Must get to bathroom. Shimmy to bathroom. Thus far no one has called in the Branded Straight Jacket Task Force.  (our company brands everything; I am convinced we have a Vault of Straight Jackets somewhere). Wait. It is louder. Right next to my ear. Oh no! The Predator is IN my ear. NOOOO. 

Breathe Erin breathe. I get to bathroom,. WAIT! Hair! It is in my hair. This is better than ear. I think. And then, I remember. My head is covered in GoldenDoodle hair that I straighten every morning. There may or may not be some sticky product coating said straightened poodle hair. Plus 15minutes of hefty wind. I do not have hair. I have a Bird's Nest that did not survive a Tornado.

It may have been easier to fish the Predator out of my ear than the mess on my head. Let's do this: 
Remove pony tail. 
Shake hair out. Flip over and shake head upside down. 
Stand up.  
Repeat. 

Shhh. Is it gone?  Shhh. 

Blessed silence. 
I had no sighting of this thing - which really drives home the whole Predator concept. 
But hey - I'm safe.  And should I need the facilities, I will walk to a different one. No need to repeat this experience.

And then I look in mirror. Oh cool. I look like 1970's Farah Fawcett on crack with Mall Bangs. 

There ya go.
As you were.