that time of year..

                                                                            

it is, of course, that time of year. 

that time of year when i start putting together our christmas card, which always has a link to the blog. 

you know, this blog i have that i have managed - yet again - to NOT keep up with. 

that time of year when i update it and swear i'll keep up with it. 

will this be the year?! 

stay tuned people, stay tuned.

365 Days..

 One year. Fifty-two weeks. Three hundred sixty-five days. 
That is what tomorrow, 1/20/16, marks for us. 

One whole year without Mom/Nana.  I use the word "without" in a relative sense. I know with every piece of me that she's been right along with all of us in this past year. She's been watching. Laughing. Crying. Shaking her head at us when we're idjits. 

She is proud of Eileen and the lady she's becoming, and she cracks up at Edith and her mischievous ways, no doubt being reminded of another younger sister who shall not be named. 

She has marveled at John/Grampie and his new found love of Pickle-Ball.  For endless days she nagged at him to lose weight to stay healthy, and now he's looking all kinds of fit and trim from chasing after that ball!

I'd like to think she's proud of Sissy and I for holding it together (well, at least as far as the general public knows). We haven't necessarily talked with our aunts and uncles as much as Janet would have liked, but we'll get there. Time helps right? 

Looking back through my pictures (and y'all know I have a LOT of pictures) trying to find some to put on this post, it hits me just how much happens in a year.  Maybe this year was busier than most? Are all years as busy as this one was? 

Eileen made her First Reconciliation and her First Communion. I was really worried about me getting through those without Mom here, as the Catholic Faith meant so very much to Mom. I daresay Mom had front-row seats from Heaven, taking it all in.  

Eileen got braces (and now has them off). We went to the beach - twice! We went to New Orleans. We rode a train and we rode a jet-ski, both big firsts. Eileen ran- and LOVES- running Cross Country. Eileen finished second grade and is more than halfway through third grade. 

We had SnowPacOlypse last February, with so much ice and snow that the kids were out of school two weeks, AND one morning when Grampie woke up, the car had slid all the way down the driveway into the street. Mom did love her weather events, she'd have been ALL over that storm. She so loved to talk about the various meteorologists on a first name basis, as if she'd known them for years.  "Well Todd says its gonna get really bittah cold out theyah" --- "who's TODD?" -- "from Channel 10. TODD" ...

Sissy and I both had some pretty big changes at work. Scary changes but good changes. Even with those changes and Mom not here to remind us what really matters in life, I guess we were listening all those years, because we seem to have kept what matters at the very front of our minds. 

I was so nervous about the holidays, but they weren't as bad as I anticipated. We made her recipes (just as we always have), we surrounded ourselves with family and we kept busy. There were a lot of years when we weren't with her for holidays. Whether we stayed in NYC, or we'd gone up to MA to stay with Aunt Marcia, or we'd gone to Memphis. Sissy and I left home at 18, and except for a couple of summers in early college, we never lived at home, or even in the same town, as our parents. So it wasn't completely foreign to us to have a holiday without Mom with us in person.

In my mind she's up there talking to HER mom, who left this Earth when mom was not yet 19. In my mind, Janet is up there with Nana Kay making up for lost time. Talking about her kids and her grandkids, about how the South turned a tried and true New Englander into quite the Southerner, about all the amazing fun times we had as kids, and the memories she made for us. When I became a mom, and could call MY mom with questions, or needed help - Janet was there. It wasn't until I became a Mom that I understood how it must have felt for my mom to not have her mom to call. It wasn't until now, now that I have the hole in my own heart that she must have always had, that I realize how hard she worked to make memories for us, and how hard it must have been sometimes for her to make that effort.  

It should come as no surprise that in these last couple of weeks I've been thinking about Mom even more than I would have been. I have come to realize that it hasn't been the events that were hard to do without her, but the non-events.  So many times I started to call her or text her a funny picture only to realize she's not here. I remind myself that she knows exactly what I'm thinking or what I want to show her.  

I'm ready for tomorrow to be over. For this last first to be over. To keep moving forward, making memories and keeping life in perspective. 

In this past year, so many friends have supported us. Not just last January and February - but all year. Mothers day. Random days that had no special meaning. The holidays.  

There is no doubt in my mind that we made it through this year because of our friends and our incredible family.  I would not have made it through this year without my heart, soul and rock, also known as Bill.  

We love you Mom. 

Ramblings..

Every time I find the time and/or subject worthy of a blog, I have so much fun. Yesterday was Powerball. 

Finding subjects worthy of blogging is, at times, challenging...

Politics? Not in a million years.  I have friends and family covering the entire spectrum of conservative to liberal, none of whom I care to alienate with my own ideas.  On top of that, in this election year, I'm not sure any of the candidates - regardless of party - are worth my time and energy.  #AdeleForPresident!! 

Fitness? Well yeah.. anyone who follows me on FB knows I workout more than not and love it more than what may seem natural.. but does anyone want to read my ramblings about how long I held my plank or at what time I woke? 

Athletic Wear? HAHAHA. I had to at least list it, right? 

Kids? Mini, of course, is the inspiration for this blog. And she's still pretty damn funny. But as she gets older, her shenanigans are fewer and farther between.  She's currently irritated because she is not able to compete in some activities at Orange Theory next week. She said it shouldn't matter that she's only NINE. I tried explaining liability to her, but had no interest in hearing about that. She wants to compete in who can hold the longest plank. Secretly, I think she knows she would kick all of our arses, and she wants to prove it. And then gloat. 

Mom? Yeah.. but that's rough. And we're less than a week from it being one year since she's passed. And when I think about that too much then I cry. And when I cry too much, it makes me have to pee! Does that happen to anyone else? No? Just me? Why does this not shock me? 

Pop Culture? Ohhhh.. I do love some pop culture. Yes, I watched Making a Murderer. Yes, I think Steven Avery is guilty as hell. And yes, I'm a little bit scared of the judicial system. I have no plans of getting arrested any time soon for fear of lawyers. (no offense to any lawyers I know..)   Star Wars. YES. I loved it. On the surface I loved it. I did not dissect the story line and/or concern myself with any variations from the original movies/storyline. My memory can only retain so much.  And I'm not adding a hyperlink for Star Wars for fear of breaking Google. If you don't know what it is, I want to borrow your rock. The Amazon Commericial with the pony. Is that pop culture? No idea. But why do I like that song so much? 

2016.. I want it to be the year our house gets some much needed TLC. I want it to be the year my closet/drawers/pantry stay as organized as they are right now (thanks to the 2.5 week Christmas Break). I want it to be the year I keep getting stronger and faster and fitter. I want it to be the year we grow a garden and build a compost pile. I want it to be the year I keep waking up happy and choosing happy. (don't worry, I will stay cynical and sarcastic of course, that is in my DNA, but I'll still choose happy!)  I want it to be the year I read more, blog more, and play Candy Crush less. 

So, here's to 2016. 

Now, who wants to toss out a fun blog-worthy subject? I'm all over it!