let's talk pet peeves..

we've all got them, right? pet peeves I mean. Most of mine are no secret. And frankly, I'd like to think most of them are legitimate. Not just me being a brat. Then again, it could be I am the definition of brat just because I opted to do a post all about things that drive me up the wall.  I've even got categories..


Meals

• chewing - This is a life necessity. Albeit, a gross one. Could you please at least try to not smack your lips, swallow loudly, and OMG - keep your mouth closed. If your parents, for some ungodly reason, did not beat this into your head as a child, and you are now an adult.. then good grief take a moment and watch others around you. Two exceptions: if you have a cold, and  must breathe through your mouth while eating, at least please cover your mouth with your hand. And /or, should you dig into your food while it is still molten lava hot, thus needing to open your mouth to allow in some cool air, again, please cover your mouth with your hand. And then wait 3-4 minutes before taking another bite.
• while we're discussing table manners -  If you have not been schooled in this very necessary skill-set you have been done a major dis-service. Take note: 
• napkin goes in lap
• do not touch your food until all at the table have been served
• utensil down between bites, non-utensil hand in lap during meal
• do not scrape teeth on fork or slurp your drink/soup. does that not make your head shiver?
• politeness & tip - If, for whatever reason, you absolutely positively can't bring yourself to practice the above.. there is no excuse ever for not saying 'please' and 'thank you' to your server, and treating them as if they are a king or queen. I never worked in a restaurant, but have plenty of friends who did. And the stories they'd tell of some of the pretentious egotistical ignorant people they had to serve.. just mind  boggling. So. BE NICE. And. if you still think 15% is an appropriate tip, go back to your hole. If you can afford to be eating out, then you can afford 20, if not 25%.  It's easy. Move the decimal point over one and multiply x2. 
• $76.27 bill = 10% is $7.63 x2 = $15.26 - and OMG round up. make it an even $16.

Office

• morning routine. Just like you have a routine at home (brush teeth, wash face, shower, feed dog, etc...) most people have a morning routine at office (boot up computer, make tea, scan emails and calendar, review to-do list).  There are always those who feel the need to jump right in! if you walk into my office (or anyone else's) and you see me with coat still on, tea bag in hand, laptop in hand - anything indicating I have just arrived - you have two choices:
• turn around and walk away, assuming I didn't see you
• say 'good morning. when you get settled, give me a shout. just wanted to tell you about ABC.'  See how easy? 
• food. People. Shared spaces. Ever heard of those? Do not bring in last night's fish leftovers and heat in microwave. Do not bring in frozen meal of mystery meat chunks in brown gravy and heat in microwave. (Actually, the terms 'chunks of meat' and 'gravy' are somewhat foul on their own, certainly in the same sentence, and BY FAR in the same dish). If you want popcorn, by all means have it. If you are that freak that can't understand using the POPCORN button on the microwave, thus always burning your popcorn, you better watch your back. 
• hygiene. Hey. we all now and again need to perk up. some people brush their teeth after lunch. perfectly acceptable as long as a) it is in the bathroom and b) you rinse out the sink! do not leave blue toothpaste globs everywhere. Flossing and doing hair- again, acceptable in the bathroom. Cutting nails. NO. never. Not at the office. And OMG. whoever you NASTY people are who use the facility and then walk out - hello!? Those of us still in there can hear you. We KNOW you did not stop at  the sink and wash your hands. WHO ARE YOU?!
• phones. Several areas to discuss...
• Land line. for the few humans who still opt for a phone call instead of an email you know I won't answer the phone if I don't know you, and a lot of the time, if I DO know you. If you leave me a VM, I may or may not listen to it in any sort of timely fashion. Send me an email. Even if I DO answer the phone, I will then follow up with an email - that is the only way this girl will be able to keep track of details. 
• Land line part two. if you call me, and I don't answer.. DO NOT CALL MY CELL PHONE TWO SECONDS LATER. unless the building is on fire. I have either ignored your call because I don't want to talk to you, OR I am not in my office. wherever I am, I can bet you that I have my blackberry or laptop with me, and if you would just email me I will TOTALLY get your message. 
• Unless you are a transplant surgeon waiting on the arrival of a living organ, you have absolutely nothing so important to discuss that it needs to be done while you are using the facilities! i mean GROSS. you're really gonna sit there on The Throne and chat on your phone about the new paint color in your kitchen? 
• illness. two schools of thought here:
• man up. K, we were raised that unless we were coughing up a lunch or bleeding out our eyes, we went to school. If you wake up with a headache, take some tylenol. You're really gonna say you're too sick to work and the rest of us have to cover for you? 
• spare us. on the other end of the spectrum, if you are legitimately sick, stay the hell away. if you have a fever, a brutal cough, chicken pox - stay home. You are not a martyr, you are not a hero bc you come in and spread your germs. Colds are subject to both situations - if you are sneezy and runny nosed but feel sort of OK, then come in but stay in your own space. Wash your hands and keep to yourself!

ok one more topic and then I'll hush..

Kids

• tantrums k. I admit it. I'm ridiculously lucky as Eileen rarely threw that 2year old tantrum in the middle of a public place. And of course it happens. A toddler throwing a fit is a fact of life. If your toddler is the one throwing the fit, you are granted a pass.. temporarily. If said fit should go on more than 5-8 minutes, you then owe it to the innocent bystanders to remove your toddler from the situation. We know you can't help it, but still.
• tantrums. Age 5 and above - not acceptable. We all know kids at this age have mastered the instant cry  when they don't get their way or the earth-shattering whining. If at this point you have not mastered The Look, and your child isn't immediately silenced when given The Look, you may have a problem. Age 5 and older is the age to know better, and certainly the age at which discipline and learning how to behave is expected. 
• conversation. K. I know I talk about Eileen a good amount. Hell, this blog is supposed to be about her. But OMG, if all you talk about is your kid(s)  - get.a.life.  Yes, kids are great. And if you have awesome kids you are proud. And you want to tell people. But surely, SURELY, you still have some of your own interests? Surely you watch movies or read books or social media or play tennis or have a job? Surely you can carry on a conversation revolving around something other than Johnny's new haircut or Lisa's new hair bow. (note: new mommies are excluded from this rule. the first year of kid-hood truly is exclusive to all things kids. at 12 mos your pass expires).

That's all. Well for now anyway. I imagine I've annoyed some people, made some laugh, and possibly have a whole new fan base. :)

Cheers!