The Ones You Never Forget...

(editor’s note: I wrote this piece weeks ago, with the intent of publishing it today…)


Today, I’m writing about teachers. 


I’m writing about teachers because Eileen graduates Pre-K in a in an hour or so. And in her almost six years she has been blessed with some absolutely amazing teachers. So this is for them, and it is also for MY teachers- and I am not sure I truly appreciated all they did for me until now- now that I have a child and can see so plainly what these Heroes have brought to our lives.  

Growing up, my mom told me that I would like certain teachers, and not like others. She also said there would be those I would never ever forget.  And of course, she was right. 


Second Grade = Mrs. Peterson- my first year at St. Ann Bartlett. I vividly remember wanting to wear my uniform to Mass on Sunday that summer before school started (thank GOD my mother didn’t let me).  That was also the year my parents separated. And I am fairly certain Mrs. Peterson was one of the first to know, so that she could look out for me or let my parents know if I acted out or whatever else. I don’t remember loads of stuff from being that young, but I do remember that she didn’t let me slide, or get away with things, or give me any special attention. And yet, somehow in the middle of all of that change in my life, she managed to make me feel safe and normal and OK. I kept in touch with her for a long time, and still hear bits and pieces of what she’s up to these days from other friends or from her sons. And I always smile ear to ear when I think of her. 

Fourth Grade= Ms. Davis – she was FASCINTING. She was married and ‘older’ but didn’t have kids. I was roughly nine/ten years old at the time -  I have NO IDEA how old she was - she was probably only 40!!  She was the only ‘old’ person I knew who didn’t have kids (not counting Sister Connie and Sister Marie). Her nails were always bright red, and her hair was big and blond and styled and gorgeous makeup. I swear that woman never ever wore the same outfit twice. She was like this cool city woman working with ten year olds in Bartlett. I don’t remember which subjects she taught us, I just remember the Big Persona and how fun she seemed. 

Junior High… it consisted of one hallway with four classrooms shared between all the 7th and 8th graders. We were the ‘cool kids’ because we were the oldest, oh- and we changed classes when the bell rang.  And we had lockers that we shared - only we couldn’t go to them between classes. One morning we walked into 7th Grade Home Room and had a substitute teacher – it may or may not have been Mrs. Croxdale, I can’t remember those very first days. There was another sub, and another, most of the time, it was Mrs. Croxdale.  Mrs. Self never came back. She had lung cancer, and that May, it was Mrs. Croxdale who told us one morning before a school Mass that Mrs. Self had passed away. Losing a teacher at age 13 is overwhelming. We never got to say bye. We sent cards and letters. Some went to see her in the hospital. We all went to the funeral, in our uniforms.


Let me tell you about Mrs. Croxdale. As many amazing teachers as I had, it was and is her who will forever be my most remembered teacher. She has three sons, the oldest is one Shannon’s age.  And, SHE IS SASSY. (and if she’s reading this she’s laughing her arse off at me). And, well, you all KNOW I am Sassy. I was a TOTAL brat to Mrs. Croxdale when she started subbing for Mrs. Self.  I don’t know why. I remember she’d talk to the class and I’d mouth off. Or whisper. Or whatever else a 13 year old girl is prone to do. And then one day she called me on it. We were in line in the hallway, probably lined up to go to the cafeteria. I don’t know what she said to the class, but I mouthed off. And she walked right up to me and got in my face. And said, very calmly, but in a tone that I will never forget, something along the lines of you better watch yourself young lady, because you may THINK you can out-sass me, but you are very very wrong. And if you keep this up, you will find yourself in a very unpleasant place and living a very unpleasant existance.   I remember all the kids in line just going silent. I mean CRICKETS. And then she straightened herself up, and marched back to the front of our line. 

And from that day on, she just became The Coolest Teacher Ever. She taught us Tennessee and American History and Social Studies Probably other stuff too. She started the Student Council at St. Ann (not that a group of 7th and 8th graders have all that much power – but it was still fun.  I was Vice President).  I babysat her kids. When I graduated 8th grade, she gave me a brooch/locket that I’m pretty sure I still have. She was my teacher, but became my friend too. I can’t really put a finger on it, why she was such a force in my life. But I can certainly say I am glad for it, consider myself lucky to have been one of her students. For years I made her cookies every year for her birthday. She came to me and Josh’s wedding. She was just that teacher. I like to think my Expert Sass Mouth is a credit to all her hard work. 


Certainly there were others. There was Coach Daleke – our grade school gym teacher, also my softball coach. She took me to and from virtually every practice and game we ever had- mainly because Mom was a fu;ll time student and had a job - so rides were tough to get! There was Miss Guth in High School. The English teacher, without whom I would never have read Great Expectations (to this day my favorite book). It was also Miss Guth who passed on her pet peeve of ending sentences with a preposition. And she was Yearbook Moderator – I was ultimately the co-editor of the yearbook because it was such fun. There was Senora Hopper, who taught me Spanish for four years. She was also my Senior Home Room teacher, and I distinctly remember she and I having full on conversations totally in Spanish. During Homeroom. Which tended to drive the girls who took French up the wall because they had no idea what we were saying. Oh AND she took us to Mexico. What sane woman takes twenty 16 & 17 year old girls to three cities in Mexico? That was Senora Hopper. There was Mrs. Wilkins, an absolute caricature of herself, who somehow made Trig fun. There was Mr. Savage, who taught us Latin, and on the very first day of our Freshman year, he laid on the desk and pretended to be Roman Royalty being fed grapes. I can’t even make that up. There was Mrs. Davis, who taught us Religion and History and Drama. And maybe Chorus? The woman LIVED for her European History Class. I think if she could have had it her way, we would have spent our entire high school careers studying the Dark Ages and Renaissance. But her love of that period was contagious and to this day I still like it. 

So today, as Eileen gets ready to graduate, I think of the teachers she’s had. Miss Margaret and Miss NaeNae, who made it OK for me to leave my baby girl with them every morning. I didn’t doubt for a minute they took as good a care of her as I ever could. There is Miss Denae. She was Eileen’s teacher and babysitter for a couple of years. Eileen adores her. Drawings still hang on my kitchen door that Eileen and Miss Denae did together. Miss Tina- who for some unknown reason Eileen did NOT like at first- and soon enough it was Eileen pitching a fit when she had to leave Miss Tina’s class. Miss Kelley was Eileen’s teacher when Josh and I separated; Miss Kelley’s girls had been the same age as Eileen when SHE and her husband had separated. Miss Kelley took as much care of me as she did Eileen. She knew what to expect and had words and advice for how to make it OK. It was Miss Kelley who texted me “we need brownies!” when Eileen FINALLY FINALLY decided to use the potty at age FOUR. There is Miss Amber and Miss Megan and Mr. Gio and Mr. Sean and Miss Rachel. There is Miss Janet and Miss Tara who run the school, and know every child by name.


And. There is Miss Carrie. I don’t know where to begin with doing Miss Carrie justice. I’m not sure my words can make it clear to you what a powerful woman she is.  I would be willing to bet that Miss Carrie will be for Eileen what Mrs. Croxdale became for me. Miss Carrie is a Saint, she is a Force. I have never seen someone so amazing with Children. She is firm and stern. She runs her classroom like a drill sergeant. There are rules and when she speaks, the kids LISTEN. She speaks to the children like adults, and expects – and gets - good behavior and respect. And. The kids love her. 


See, we got lucky. A variety of circumstances led to Eileen having Miss Carrie as a teacher from September 2010 until now… almost a full two years with Miss Carrie.  She has taught Eileen to read and write. My little Mini is starting Kindergarten already knowing addition and subtraction.  She has taught Eileen how to be brave and be a big girl and make smart choices. She’s also taught Eileen how to have fun and be silly. I can’t tell you how many times I have walked into that classroom to find the music blaring and Miss Carrie smack in the middle of a pack of kids dancing her heart out, while somehow tricking them into cleaning up the classroom. How can you not just grin when reading that? Imagine seeing that on a daily basis, and loving this woman who so loves your kid? 

Miss Carrie schooled us too. In Pre-K1, Eileen had homework. Easy worksheets, three a week, with due dates. Most people would react with WHY DOES A 4 YEAR OLD HAVE HOMEWORK? My answer – DUH people. It is not for the child. It’s for the parent. To get US ready for ‘real school.’ To get US ready for homework assignments and helping our children and not turning it in late. In Miss Carrie’s class, if it was late, no one got in trouble. But in ‘real school’ if homework is late, it won’t be the same. 


Miss Carrie is that teacher who makes learning fun. Miss Carrie is that teacher who loves every minute of what she does, and probably remembers just about every student she’s ever had. Miss Carrie is one with whom I very much hope I am able to stay in touch with for years and years to come. And I hope that Eileen will be able to do the same. 


I am sure Eileen will have many other teachers in her life who she’ll remember as I have remembered so many of mine. I’m not sure any of the teachers in her future will have the impact and influence that those from MStar have had, but then again none of her future teachers will have been with her from 15weeks old to almost six years old. Those are some pretty major years. I’m not sure how many of her MStar teachers Eileen will remember. But I will, and I’ll make sure she reads this post in years to come. 
Eileen graduates tonight. 

All I have left to say to Miss Carrie, to Mrs. Croxdale, and all of the other teachers mentioned here, is 
THANK YOU.  

Say Cheese.

My mom always took loads of pictures, and she still does. 


There's no doubt that trait was passed on to me. And I'm so very glad. 


Tomorrow, Eileen will graduate from MStar... the school she has attended since she was 15 weeks old. Her entire life so far has been spent there. Her teachers not only taught her  - they taught me as well. 

I will never forget within her FIRST week there, Miss Margaret telling me that Eileen was teething. And I was floored. I seriously would have never figured that out. (ok, well i guess eventually the little white things in her gums would have clued me in...). And then around the time she was six months old, Miss NaeNae telling us that we could have her 'practice' sitting up by propping her against things (OK - wait - IS it six months when they start to sit? I honestly don't remember). Again, I was floored.  Who knew one could be in training, for SITTING?!

So, speaking of forgetting things.. that is another reason I am so very glad to have endless photographs. I honestly do not remember the baby in these photos. I mean, I don't remember Eileen looking like this. This roly poly baby who has endless hilarious expressions just for the lens. If it weren't for these pictures I'm not sure what I would and would not remember. 


And it's no wonder that these days, I can hardly get her to actually smile a good smile - because the kid has been smiling at the camera in her face since Day One. Literally. 

(yeah - someday she'll want to throttle me for this potty shot...)


The first photo in this post.. that was Eileen at roughly 24hours old. Smiling - literally smiling - at the camera. 

I logged into Shutterfly to track down some of these - and I have well over 500 albums there. FIVE HUNDRED. Some of which were pre-Eileen, but most certainly the bulk of which ARE Eileen. 


(hey now. don't anyone go telling the folks at shutterfly about me. they'll suspend my account or something for breaking the internet).


So. Tomorrow she graduates. And maybe it hasn't hit me. Maybe it's because now that Edie is around, there's still many more years at MStar, and many more milestones to get to see again. And maybe its because of all the fun I know awaits Eileen - and me- as she starts 'real school.'

(of course anyone who knows anything about MStar doesn't doubt for one minute that it is nothing short of a 'real school....')


Funny tho.. because as I sit here and mention the part about so many fun things to come.. I realize how very fast the past (almost) six years have flown by. 


And I think of Court, who will graduate HighSchool in five days. And I think of how when I met Court three years ago, she  was this little girl not yet fifteen. Braces and figuring out high school. And how her Mom (who happens to be one of my best friends) would always talk about how very much Eileen reminded her of Court at 'that age.'  

And I think of Court, and the recent pictures of late of her at football games, and winter formals, heading to prom and Senior Functions. She's gorgeous and happy and smiling, surrounded by her friends. 


<--  And then I look at this photo. Of Eileen and her buddies last week. And it shocks me, strikes me- look at them. They're five going on seventeen. Posing and smiling and hugging and hamming it up for the camera. Gorgeous and happy and smiling, surrounded by friends. Just like Court. 

And that part, 'just like Court' - that really drives it home. At least for me. Just how much Eileen does have ahead of her, and how insanely fast it will go. 


I like to think that for the most part, I do live in the moment. Events like having lived in NYC before, during and after 9/11. Josh and I (and Sarah and Bill) sharing custody of Eileen - which in the end has me so much more 'there' with her when she's home. Having people like Sarah in my life who have survived unfathomable loss keeps perspective in the front of my mind (well, most days anyway). 

Whatever the reasons are that I manage to remember to live in the moment, while they brought pain, in the end they've brought lessons.  And while down the road I may FORGET the moments in which I lived, I will have pictures. I will have endless pictures to remind me of this insane little girl who I love beyond words. And for that I will always be thankful. 


Nana Janet may have driven us batty with the camera when we were kids, as I am sure I do now with Eileen.. but if Nana Janet taught us nothing else (HAHAHAHA.. riiight).. she taught us to smile and say cheese.  Not sure there's any better lesson than that. 

So, tomorrow we'll have PreK Graduation. The kids will sing off key and march across the stage in mini caps and gowns. The parents will take endless pictures and sit in mini-people chairs with our knees in our noses. And we'll laugh and smile and try to pretend we're not crying. And we'll try to pretend we're not scared to death about how to handle KINDERGARTEN. And we'll have our smartphones and we'll take loads of photos and bombard you all on facebook as we post like mad. 

And someone will probably tease me about my paparazzi tendencies. And I will say "Thank You!"


(Scroll down for a few more photos.. )

Life of Chaos

Grampie came through town last week. So he got to see Eileen (well, the back of her as she constantly ran off to go play with her friends...), Edie, and the rest of us grown up kids that no one really cares if they see or not.


About two hours in on Friday night.. somewhere between us flying home from work to get Grampie and take him to school with us to get Eileen and David and I texting back and forth to figure out if Sissy was ALIVE since neither of us had heard from her in weeks (slight, just slight, exaggeration there..) and Bill leaving to get pizza but before I'd let him leave I asked for him to hook up the porch TV and Ryan coming in and out and Shannon and David texting to say (turns out she was indeed alive) they were stopping by and me calling in another pizza and Eileen going over to Bella's and me letting Bill know there were now two pizzas to get... 


Grampie looked at me and said: Is it always this chaotic?


My first thought was "what chaos?"..  I guess because, yes. It is always that chaotic. But I guess that these days, it isn't chaos, it's life. 


And while there are certainly days I wish I could just sit poolside or porchside and finish off a book.. I wouldn't have it any other way, than this way. This Life of Chaos.


sidebar: Lest anyone think I'm one of those Super Happy Perfect Never a Hair Out of Place Bubbly Everything ROCKS Moms... um. no. Ok, well - the hair part is true. I'm a tad obsessed with my hair. It does always look smashing. I have meltdowns and breakdowns.  I get totally irked or testy or exhausted. And oh mercy, if I forget to take/take too late my Happy Pill... shew clear a path!  But still, I wouldn't trade it. 


From Friday night to Sunday night.. we managed to have Sissy & David over. Have clean sheets for Grampie to sleep on. Get Eileen fed and to bed before midnight. Bill went to Target. Grampie off to house hunt. Me, Bill and Eileen off to Verizon store (where we encountered yet ANOTHER person who was intrigued by the Sox/Yankees marriage, and in fact, in one himself) and I finally finally finally got my iPhone.  Bill & Eileen off to get smoothies and a bday gift. Me off to Gym. All of us home to get ready for party. Shopping list off to Sissy. Go to party. Come home to Grampie and Sissy. Josh and Sarah come over to drop off Edie. Eileen goes off to Hayley's volleyball games. Marc & Megan come over and we all cookout and drool over Edie.  Josh and Sarah come back right after Eileen comes home; Edie out cold. Josh in slight shock at the sight of Eileen beebopping around the house at 10something pm. Up Sunday morning to see Grampie off. Get some chores done then I go off to run. Come home and Bill is off to Home Depot to get flowers and new pots (since our OTHER new ones blew away in a storm - and we have NOT A CLUE where they landed.. we're talking BIG pots here people!).  We get ready and head up to Jim & Judy's for a visit. Cookout. Head out to check the cows (betcha didn't expect to see THAT from me, didja?!), then pick strawberries. Head home. Off I go to Target, which is also known as a timewarp. I could swear it was maybe 6:30 when I got there. And all of a sudden it was 7:45. OMG. We still had cheesecake to make and kid to bathe and laundry to do and poster to make and dinner to eat and nails to paint. But hey -I got cute shoes for me and a cute skirt for Eileen. 


wait, what? cheesecake?
yes people. for some unknown reason, Eileen had been asking me since the prior Thursday to make one. and since I am mother of the year, I kept pushing her off, thinking she'd forget. I've been schooled people. She would NOT let the cheesecake go. So I found myself mixing away while she and Bill worked on the poster. Her healthy dinner of noodles with butter, followed by the graham cracker crust with cheesecake BATTER certainly cements my MOTY Award. (that was my way of giving her cheesecake for the night since I knew it wouldn't be finished baking any time soon...raw eggs be damned!).


Somehow, between Bill and I - and even Eileen - we managed to get the entire to-do list finished. well. we didn't get flowers planted. but they have at least been purchased. 


Tired yet? 
:)