Back and Forth...

Back and forth... that's where my head has been. With regards to the Knox Half Marathon. sigh.  It is this Sunday, April 7.

I have run it every year since the Inaugural in 2005 - with the exception of 2006 & 2007 - when i was pregnant and when i had a 6month old and was too damn tired to train!

I planned to do it this year. It's like a habit. It would have been my tenth half. I was super excited.

But before I knew it, the calendar said early March. January & February kicked my butt at work. By the time the weekends came around, I was exhausted and could not muster up much motivation. Plus it was cold. And it stayed cold. Which does not make for inviting training runs. 

And there's the age factor. I don't yet get the Senior Citizen Discount, but I am also not exactly 25years old anymore... 

I kept telling myself I'd suck it up and do it. After 11+ years of running regularly, and after running seven Knox Halfs - I certainly know the route and what to expect. 

<-- There's also the Eileen Factor (those are her running shoes..).  She is fascinated at my running. She wants to do it. She loves to see me get a medal, and then wear it. She loves to get her OWN medal.  I don't want to tell her I won't be running this year because I don't want her to be disappointed. Or to think it's OK to quit. 

I don't quit. Well, it is rare that I quit, especially when it comes to running. 

It is because of my 11+ years of running that I know better. It is because I know the route, that I know better. 

I know I can dig in and do the miles. But what I know better is that the probability of hurting myself is over the top. And that with each nagging injury I've had over the years... the recovery time gets longer and longer.  

And, well. The longer I am sidelined from running.. ergh.. not fun. 

It is maddening to me to miss it. It is maddening to me to not get Number Ten under my belt. It is maddening to me that I didn't train. It is maddening to me that for the first time in years, it looks like the weather will ROCK.

It is maddening to me that I am making the 'mature' choice to opt out. And hopefully, it is maddening enough to me that I will put my head back on straight. Go back to basics with my running. Build back up the miles and find some fall races to tackle.

And good grief, hopefully some warm sunny weather in which to run.

STOP!

 

<-- It didn't bother me last year when Eileen went to 'the big kid school' for incoming Kindergarten Assesment.  It was fun and fascinating and she was so excited. 

This was right at one year ago today. 






<-- it didn't bother me when Eileen graduated from MStar. She'd been there almost six years, had an amazing time there. Made lots of friends - many of whom we are still in touch.

<--  it didn't bother me on Eileen's first day of Kindergarten. She was so proud and confident. It was a new adventure. 

<--  But now, now, I am bothered. Syd spent the night last week. These two have been tight since they were roughly 18 mos old. Lots of playdates and spend the nights. They've always played like sisters - including the arguing and bossiness and fits and crying and tattling.  Last week, they played like 'big kids.' They didn't argue. They didn't tattle. They laughed and giggled and compromised. They behaved and used manners and minded.  

And that. THAT bothered me. Weird right? All of a sudden, they seemed so old. So grown up. Having seen the two of them act so differently than in the past really put it in perspective, or shocked me, or whatever it was. Thrilled to see Eileen with such good friends already, but also bittersweet at the realization of how much they're changing and so quickly. 

Today I went to school to read to the kids. I love it. I adore seeing those kids and watching them play. They all come up and want to talk to the parents. They're eager and sweet and proud and want to share. 

Today was also incoming Kindergartener assessment day for the new batch of Kindergartners starting in Fall 2013. It stopped me in my tracks. 

How? How has it been a year? I thought back to last February when we brought Eileen for her testing. We were the new kids, didn't know a lot of people or kids or teachers or parents. Scary but fun. I thought back to those first weeks of school, we didn't know how the dismissal car line worked and what was allowed and not for uniforms. We knew about two sets of parents and everyone felt awkward and shy. 

And I thought about today. Just six months since that first day of school.  Eileen knows all the kids in her class and in 1st grade, knows a lot of second graders and third graders and a ton of eighth graders. She marches into school and knows her way around. Heck, I march into school and know my way around! I know some of the teachers and administrators, I have gotten to know a good deal of parents (well, Moms anyway) and with each week I feel like I know more of them. 

Today while I sat there reading to the kids, a mom and dad and shy little girl stood at the door with one of the school administrators.  Asking questions and looking around. That struck me.  Eileen only has about 12 weeks left of this school year. TWELVE WEEKS left of Kindergarten. 

And then she will be in first grade. How is this possible?
This, people. This may be the first time in her six and a half years that I feel a bit misty-eyed at the thought of how time is flying. How fast I know the next eight years at our school will fly by. and I don't even want to CONSIDER what happens after that.

TinkerBell & Friends

Eileen and her BFF made these signs at school yesterday. "Signs" - plural- as in about 10 of them. 

These are to be handed out to our neighbors. During the Fairy Hunt. Which is when Eileen and BFF will be tracking down Peter Pan and TinkerBell. During the Day. Because I am a terrible mom that won't let these two little kiddos go out at night alone to find PeterPan. 

So the girls have reluctantly settled on the daylight hours. And no adults will ruin the hunt. Because our neighbors will obey these posters!*

*These are actual events, brought about by actual conversations:

E: mommy, does our alarm go off when we open the windows?
Me: Umm, WHY?
E: because BFF & I will need to go outside around midnight to find Peter Pan. 
Me:Oh. YES. The alarm goes off!
E: but MOMMEEEE. We have to find him so we can get Fairy Helpers! 
Me: Are you two CRAZY? I am NOT letting you two wander around at night alone. 
E: HARUMPH. arms crossed and pouting.

Also. You can bet these posters will be kept forever by mommy. :)